I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
