I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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