I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize