Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize