There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
