hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
