I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize