So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone came in the potted fern
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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