I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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