he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
