omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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