I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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