So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
