I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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