bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
