It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
