My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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