If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
