There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
