just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
