i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
