Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
