i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
