New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
