Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
