Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
