Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize