I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
