we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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