I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
