I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
