Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize