So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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