sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize