Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
