Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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