Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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