dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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