let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
