I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
