he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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