Little spoons don't ask big questions
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
