My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
