Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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