The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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