"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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