I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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