so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
