i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
