I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
