now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
