Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
