Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
