I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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