I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The Olympian is in my bed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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