Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
