this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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