then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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