the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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