well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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