I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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