Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
