im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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