I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm always down for nudity.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
