Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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