I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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