I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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