Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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