the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Randomize
