I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
