He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
