There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
