I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
