and she was petting her beer can
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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