Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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