cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
