There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
